- The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the table in front of her kids.
- You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is “out of your league” bowls on a different night.
- Jack Daniel’s makes your list of “Most Admired People.”
- You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
- You wonder how gas stations keep their restrooms so clean.
- Someone in your family died right after saying “Hey, y’all watch this!”
- Your Junior/Senior prom had a daycare.
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas is in it.
- Ya’ can’t git married to yer sweetheart ’cause there’s a dang law against it.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
- Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
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