- Never do housework. No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.
- Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.
- Don't imagine you can change a man – unless he's in diapers.
- What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.
- So many men – so many reasons not to sleep with any of them.
- If they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all there.
- Tell him you're not his type – you have a pulse.
- Never let your man's mind wander. It's too little to be let out alone.
- The only reason men are on this planet is that vibrators can't dance or buy drinks.
- Never sleep with a man who's named his penis.
- Go for younger men. You might as well. They never mature anyway.
- A man who can dress himself without looking like Forrest Gump is unquestionably gay.
- Men are all the same. They just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
- Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.
- Women don't make fools of men. Most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
- The best way to get a man to do something is to suggest they are too old for it.
- Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.
- If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.
- The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.
- If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.
- A man's idea of serious commitment is usually "oh alright, I'll stay the night."
- Women sleep with men, who if they were women, they wouldn't even bother to have lunch with.
- Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means you laugh at his.
- If he asks you if you're faking it tell him no, you're just practicing.
- Sadly, all men are created equal.
- When he asks you if he's your first, tell him "you may be, you look familiar."