What is the sound of one hand shopping?

Surely when we’ve reached the point where we’re fetishizing sodium chloride and water, and subjecting both to the kind of scrutiny we used to reserve for choosing an oncologist, it’s time to admit that the relentless questing for the next undetectable gradation of perfection has stopped being about the thing itself and crossed over into a realm of narcissism so overwhelming as to make the act of masturbation look selfless.

And what is it that matters most in life?  Here’s a hint: it’s a pronoun that can be effectively conveyed without any words at all.  Just take your index finger and point it to the center of your chest.