Playwright Jim Sherman wrote this after Hu Jintao was named chief of the Communist Party in China.
HU'S ON FIRST
By James Sherman(We take you now to the Oval Office.)
- George
- Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
- Condi
- Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
- George
- Great. Lay it on me.
- Condi
- Hu is the new leader of China.
- George
- That's what I want to know.
- Condi
- That's what I'm telling you.
- George
- That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
- Condi
- Yes.
- George
- I mean the fellow's name.
- Condi
- Hu.
- George
- The guy in China.
- Condi
- Hu.
- George
- The new leader of China.
- Condi
- Hu.
- George
- The Chinaman!
- Condi
- Hu is leading China.
- George
- Now whaddya' asking me for?
- Condi
- I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
- George
- Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
- Condi
- That's the man's name.
- George
- That's who's name?
- Condi
- Yes.
- George
- Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
- Condi
- Yes, sir.
- George
- Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle East.
- Condi
- That's correct.
- George
- Then who is in China?
- Condi
- Yes, sir.
- George
- Yassir is in China?
- Condi
- No, sir.
- George
- Then who is?
- Condi
- Yes, sir.
- George
- Yassir?
- Condi
- No, sir.
- George
- Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
- Condi
- Kofi?
- George
- No, thanks.
- Condi
- You want Kofi?
- George
- No.
- Condi
- You don't want Kofi.
- George
- No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
- Condi
- Yes, sir.
- George
- Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
- Condi
- Kofi?
- George
- Milk! Will you please make the call?
- Condi
- And call who?
- George
- Who is the guy at the U.N?
- Condi
- Hu is the guy in China.
- George
- Will you stay out of China?!
- Condi
- Yes, sir.
- George
- And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
- Condi
- Kofi.
- George
- All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
- Condi (Condi picks up the phone.)
- Rice, here.
- George
- Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food in the Middle East?