- Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
- Get boxes of condoms and randomly put them in peoples' carts when they don't realize it.
- Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.
- Run up to an employee (preferably a male) while squeezing your legs together and practically yell at him, "I need some tampons."
- Try on bras over top of your clothes.
- Make a trail of orange juice on the ground, leading to the restrooms.
- While walking around the store, sing in your loudest voice possible "I smell sex and candy"
- Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in housewares," and see what happens.
- Tune all the radios to a polka station; then turn them all off and set the volumes to "10."
- Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.
- Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
- Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.
- Put M&Ms on layaway.
- Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
- Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath
- Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.
- Nonchalantly "test" the brushes and combs in Cosmetics.
- When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
- Look right into the security camera, and use it as a mirror while you pick your nose.
- Take up an entire aisle in Toys by setting up a full scale battlefield with G.I. Joes vs. the X-Men.
- Ask other customers if they have any Grey Poupon.
- While handling guns in the hunting department, suddenly ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
- Switch the men's and women's signs on the doors of the restrooms.
- Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission Impossible."
- Set up a "Valet Parking" sign in front of the store.
- In the auto department, practice your "Madonna" look with various funnels.
- Hide in the clothing racks and when people browse through, say things like "the fat man walks alone," and scare them into believing that the clothes are talking to them
- When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
- Go to an empty checkout stand and try to check people out.
- Drag a lounge chair on display over to the magazines and relax. If the store has a food court, buy a soft drink; explain that you don't get out much, and ask if they can put a little umbrella in it.