The Redneck Dictionary of Medical Terms

Artery
The study of paintings.
Bacteria
Back door to cafeteria.
Barium
What doctors do when patients die.
Benign
What you be after you be eight.
Cesarean Section
A neighborhood in Rome.
CATscan
Searching for kitty.
Cauterize
Made eye contact with her.
Colic
A sheep dog.
Coma
A punctuation mark.
D & C
Where Washington is.
Dilate
To live long.
Enema
Not a friend.
Fester
Quicker than someone else.
Fibula
A small lie.
Genital
Non-Jewish person.
G.I. Series
World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail
What you hang your coat on.
Impotent
Distinguished, well known.
Labor Pain
Getting hurt at work.
Medical Staff
A Doctor's cane.
Morbid
A higher offer than I bid.
Nitrates
Cheaper than day rates.
Node
I knew it.
Outpatient
A person who has fainted.
Pap Smear
A fatherhood test.
Pelvis
Second cousin to Elvis.
Post Operative
A letter carrier.
Recovery Room
Place to do upholstery.
Rectum
Dang near killed him.
Secretion
Hiding something.
Seizure
Roman emperor.
Tablet
A small table.
Terminal Illness
Getting sick at the airport.
Tumor
More than one.
Urine
Opposite of you're out.
Varicose
Near by/close by.