Thanks friends

Thanks to all my friends who sent me such important e-mails in 2003 and (so far) in 2004!  Because of all of you…

I stopped drinking Coca-Cola after I found out that it’s good for removing toilet stains.

I stopped going to the movies for fear of sitting on a needle infected with AIDS.  I smell like shit, but thank God I stopped using deodorants because they cause cancer.

I also stopped drinking anything out of a can for fear that I will get sick from the rat feces and urine.  I don’t leave my car in any parking lot even though I sometimes have to walk about seven blocks, for fear that someone might drug me with a perfume sample and then and try to rob me.

I also stopped answering the phone for fear that they will ask me to dial a stupid number and then I get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore and Tokyo.

I stopped consuming several foods for fear that the estrogen they con tain may turn me gay.  I also stopped eating chicken and hamburgers because they are nothing more than horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers that are bred in a lab so that places like McDonalds can sell their Big Macs.

When I go to parties, I am not overly friendly with anyone for fear that he or she will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I donated all my savings to the Amy Bruce account.  That poor sick girl that was about to die in the hospital. Funny thing, she never seems to get any older…

I went bankrupt from bounced checks that I made, expecting the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL were supposed to send me when I participated in their special e-mail program.  It’s weird, though that my new free cell phone never arrived, and neither did the passes for my paid vacation to Disneyland.

But I am positive that all this is because of the chain I broke or forgot to follow and I got a curse from hell.

IMPORTANT NOTE: If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next ten seconds, a bird will poop on you today at 7:00 PM