- Life is sexually transmitted
- Good health is merely the slowest rate at which one can die.
- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
- Give a person a fish and you feed him for a day. Teach a person to use the internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
- Some people are like a slinkly… Not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
- Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you 200 dollars, and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?
- In the 60’s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal
- We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among the millions and millions of cows in America, but we haven’t a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants or terrorists are located. Maybe we should put The Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration
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