Tag: Insanity
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Two-minute Index
I always confuse NRA & NPR. Totally different tote bags.Sometimes when I’m really lonely I talk to myself, but I call myself “you guys.”There’s no way my heart can handle what’s in an email labeled ELEPHANTS REUNITING AFTER 20 YRS.Nothing’s more attractive than an unending monologue about your shortcomings.My dog is right. The bathroom is…
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More ways to maintain a healthy level of insanity
In addition to using, “for sexual favors” in the memo field of all your checks try: “For smuggling diamonds”, “Bribe payoff”, “Drug purchase”, etc.Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.Add to the mood when you put up mosquito netting around your cube by playing tropical sounds all day.Have…
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For Those Who Take Life Too Seriously
Save the whales. Collect the whole setA day without sunshine is like, night.On the other hand, you have different fingers.I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a…
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HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.Insist that your e mail address be “Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.”In the memo field of all your checks, write, “for sexual favors”Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with…
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How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.)Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s…