Special High Intensity Training

MEMORANDUM

To: All Staff Members

RE: Special High Intensity Training

In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.).

We are trying to give our employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel that you do not receive you share of S.H.I.T. on the job, please see your manager. You will be immediately placed at the top of the S.H.I.T. list and our managers are especially skilled at seeing that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.

Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.) Those who fail to take (D.E.E.P.S.H.I.T.) seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE TRAINING (E.A.T.S.H.I.T.)

Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are full of S.H.I.T. already. If you are full of S.H.I.T. you may be interested in a job training others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST (B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.) Those who are full of B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T. are eligible for promotion to DIRECTOR OF INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P.S.H.I.T.).

If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T.S.H.I.T.)

Thank you,

Boss in General SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (B.I.G.S.H.I.T)