Republican Convention Schedule. (Final)

On May 22 I posted the preliminary schedule for the 2004 Republican National Committee Convention Schedule New York, NY.  Apparently some changes were made and I just got the final agenda:

6:00pm – Opening prayer

6:15pm – Supplementary opening prayer

6:30pm – Prayer in thanks of first two prayers

6:45pm – New energy policy presented by Exxon

7:00pm – Canonization of Reagan

7:15pm – Additional prayers

7:30pm – Opening remarks by Halliburton

8:00pm – Prayer for the safety and well-being of Ken “Kenny-boy” Lay

8:15pm – Additional remarks by Halliburton

8:30pm – Stoning of the first homosexual

8:45pm – New healthcare polices presented by HMO leader, Kaiser Permanente

9:00pm – Invasion of Iran or North Korea (TBA)

9:15pm – Halliburton contributes 1.4 billion to Republican party

9:30pm – Reagan elevated to savior

9:45pm – Bush undergoes plastic surgery to look more like Reagan

10:00pm – Cheney runs into Ron Reagan, Jr. Tells him to go f*^# himself

10:15pm – Recall of troops from accidental invasion of South Korea (Bush: “Damn, the SOUTH is our ally.  Oops, my bad!”)

10:30pm – Burning at the stake of 16 year-old Jenny Williams, who had an illegal abortion after being raped by her cousin

10:45pm – Dancing around the golden calf

11:00pm – Stoning of the partner of the first homosexual

11:15pm – New forestry policy presented by Weyerhaeuser

11:45pm – Prayer thanking God for his wisdom in choosing Bush as president

12:00pm – Closing prayers (lasting until 2:00am)

2:00 am – Hookers arrive for all delegates.