Red Skelton’s recipe for the perfect marriage

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds.  Hers is in California , and mine is in Texas
3. I take my wife everywhere… but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary.  “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time!” she said.  So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands.  If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.  She said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!”  So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn’t running well because there was water in the carburetor.  I asked where the car was.  She told me, “In the lake.”
8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days.  Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage?”  The driver said, “No, jump in!”
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right.  I just didn’t know her first name was Always.
12. I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don’t like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though.  My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”  I said, “Dust!”

Can’t you just hear him say all of these?  I love it…….these were the good old days when humor didn’t have to start with a four letter word.  It was just clean and simple fun.  And he always ended his programs with the words, “God Bless.”