Priceless grandparent stories

After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair.  As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin.  At last she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.  As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice, “Who was THAT?”

A mother was telling her little girl what her own childhood was like: “We used to skate outside on a pond.  I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard.  We rode our pony.  We picked wild raspberries in the woods.”  The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this in.  At last she said, “I sure wish I’d gotten to know you sooner!”

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?”   I mentally polished my halo while I asked, No, how are we alike?”  “You’re both old,” he replied.

A little girl was diligently pounding away on her father’s word processor.  She told him she was writing a story.  “What’s it about?” he asked.  “I don’t know,” she replied.  “I can’t read.”

I didn’t know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her.  I would point out something and ask what color it was.  She would tell me, and always she was correct.  But it was fun for me, so I continued at last she headed for the door, saying sagely, “Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these yourself!”

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments.  They were ready to discuss the last one.  The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was.  Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor’s wife,”

Our five-year-old son couldn’t wait to tell his father about the movie we had watched on television, “20,000 Leagues Under the Sea.”  The scenes with the submarine and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed.  In the middle of the telling, my husband interrupted Mark, “What caused the submarine to sink?”

With a look of incredulity Mark replied, “Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!!”

When my grandson, Billy, and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects.  Still, a few fireflies followed us in.  Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, “It’s no use, Grandpa.  The mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights.”

When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, I’m not sure.”  “Look in your underwear, Grandma,” he advised.  “Mine says I’m four to six.”

A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, “Mom, guess what?  We learned how to make babies today.”  The mother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool.  “That’s interesting,” she said, “How do you make babies?”  “It’s simple,” replied the girl.  “You just change “y” to “i” and add ‘es’”

(What English teacher wouldn’t love that one?)