Precious Memories

Precious Memories for Your Home

Take a journey back to the days when men were men and a slow-walking, slow-talking figurine had all America buzzing.

Yes, it’s the Steven Seagal collection and for only $97.50 your home can have one of these exclusive, exquisite pewter statues of Steven in one of his many guises.  There’s the “Action Steven,” doing one of his patented “throttle moves” (mastered by Steven during one of his many sojourns to the Mysterious East), the “Smilin’ Steven,” gracing your home with his forceful, manly benediction, and finally and most exclusively, the “Dialogue Steven,” which includes TWO figures, depicting a depiction of Steven and a “dialogue coach” discussing the actor’s craft.  Press a button at the base of this art-work and you will get to hear all of the “inside dope” as two masterly professionals discuss their trade-secrets.

The “How Does He Do It?” collection is offered for a limited time only.  Don’t delay.  If you hurry, you also receive a bonus diorama, entitled “What’s the Plan?”  This bold, striking diorama depicts Steven and a host of the many characters from his innumerable films with whom he has discussed the plan for taking back America!

This priceless offer ends soon.

Precious Memories For Your Lawn

We here at the Holly Street Mint are also offering, while supplies last, a special limited edition, lawn-sized statue combining characters from two movie favorites: Bambi and Darth Vader.

Only Bambi could tame the evil lurking within one of filmdom’s most famous villains!  See Darth Vader finally gentled by the compassion of the motherless Bambi.  Charmed and disarmed by the helpless vulnerability of the deer-child, Darth Vader is depicted literally eating out of Bambi’s “hand”!

The unique artistry reflected in this hand-crafted, museum-class, plaster-cast statuary must be seen to be believed.  All your neighbors will talk of nothing else!  Hurry now to order this gift, to grace your home’s lawn with what is sure to become one of your family’s cherished heirlooms.

Some restrictions apply.  Consult your city’s ordinances for details.

And remember: this is a one-time first-come, first-served offer.  Be the first on your block to own this precious collectible.  The days grow short and the shadows long, but the shadows cast by this inspiring depiction of Good conquering Evil will only increase in value as time goes on.