On Jewishness

Q: Why did Adam and Eve have a perfect marriage?
A: He didn’t have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn’t have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

Q. How does a Jewish wife cheat on her husband?
A. She has a headache with the postman.

Q: What business is a yenta in?
A: Yours.

Q: What is a Jewish nymphomaniac?
A: A wife who does her hair and sleeps with her husband on the same day.

Q: How do Jewish wives get their children ready for supper?
A: They put them in the car.

Q: What does a Jewish husband call a water bed?
A: The Dead Sea.

Q: Who is Israel’s favorite Internet provider?
A: Netanyahoo.

Q: What’s the name of the face lotion made especially for Jewish women?
A: Oil of Oy Vay.

Q: What’s the title of a horror film for Jewish women?
A: Debby Does The Dusting.

Q: What is the technical term for a divorced Jewish woman?
A: Plaintiff.

Q: In Jewish doctrine, when does a fetus become human?
A: When it wins a place in medical school.

Q What does a Jewish woman do to keep her hands soft and her nails long?
A: Nothing at all.

Q: Define “genius”
A: An average student with a Jewish mother.

Q: Why did the mohel retire?
A: He just couldn’t cut it anymore.

Q: If Tarzan and Jane were Jewish, what would Cheetah be?
A: A fur coat.

Q: What do you call someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
A: A meshuggener.

Q: What mechanical device causes the most arousal in a Jewish woman?
A: A Mercedes Benz 500SL convertible.

Jewish proverb: “A Jewish wife will forgive and forget, but she’ll never forget what she forgave.”

Another of life’s mysteries is when a Jewish woman hangs something in her wardrobe for a while and it shrinks two sizes!

The trouble with some Jewish women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.