Little Billy on …

Getting older

Little Billy was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.  After the sixth one, a man on the bench across from him said, “Son, you know eating all that candy isn’t good for you.  It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat.”

Little Billy replied, “My grandfather lived to be 107 years old.”

“Oh?” replied the man.  “Did your grandfather eat six candy bars at a time?”

“No” replied Little Billy, “he minded his own fucking business!”

Philosophy

A teacher asks her class, “If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”  She calls on little Billy.

He replies, “None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.”

The teacher replies, “The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking.”

Then little Billy says, “I have a question for you.  There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.  The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.  The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.  Which one is married?”

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, “Well, I suppose the one that’s gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.”

To which little Billy replied, “The correct answer is ‘the one with the wedding ring on,’ but I like your thinking.”

Arithmetic

Little Billy returns home from school and says he got an ‘F’ in arithmetic.

“Why?” asks the father.”

“The teacher asked, ‘How much is two times three?’  I said six,” replied Billy.

“But that’s right!” says his dad.

“Yeah, but then she asked me, ‘How much is three times two?’”

“What’s the fucking difference?” asks the father.

“That’s what I said!”

English

Little Billy goes to school, and the teacher says, “Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.  Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?”

Billy says, “Mas-tur-bate.”

Miss Rogers smiles and says, “Wow, little Billy, that’s a mouthful.”

Little Billy says, “No, Miss Rogers, you’re thinking of a blowjob.”

Grammar

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word “beautiful” in the same sentence twice.

First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, “My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it.”

Very good, Suzie,” replied the teacher.  She then called on little Michael.  “My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully.”

The teacher responded, “Excellent, Michael”  Then, she reluctantly called on little Billy.  “Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said “Beautiful, just fucking beautiful.”