Great truths about life that little children have learned
- No matter how hard you try, you can’t baptize cats.
- When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don’t let her brush your hair.
- If your sister hits you, don’t hit her back. They always catch the second person.
- Never ask a 3-year old to hold a tomato.
- You can’t trust dogs to watch your food.
- Don’t sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
- Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic-tac.
- Never hold a dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
- School lunches stick to the wall.
- You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
- Don’t wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
Great truths about life that adults have learned
- Raising teenagers is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree.
- There’s always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don’t hurt.
- Reason to smile: Every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
- The best way to keep kids at home is to make the home a pleasant atmosphere… and let the air out of their tires.
- Families are like fudge… mostly sweet with a few nuts.
- Middle age is when you choose cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
- The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
- If you can remain calm, you don’t have all the facts.
- Eat a live toad first thing in the morning, and nothing worse can happen to you the rest of the day.