Jeff Foxworthy on Minnesota

Series I – You know you are from Minnesotan when:

I know none of you are from Minnesota, but it’s kinda funny (or bizarre) anyways…

• If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you’re proud that your state makes the national news 96 nights each year because International Falls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you have ever refused to buy something because it’s “too spendy”, you might live in Minnesota.
• If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Minnesota.
• If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don’t work there, you might live in Minnesota.
• If your dad’s suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Lutefisk, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Minnesota.
• If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you know how to say Wayzata, Mahtomedi, Edina and Shakopee, you might live in Minnesota.
• If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Minnesota.
• If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear, and you sing gently, “From the land of sky-blue waters, … you might live in Minnesota…

Series II – You know you are a true Minnesotan when:

• Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.
• “Vacation” means going up north past Brainerd for the weekend.
• You measure distance in hours.
• You know several people who have hit deer more than once.
• You often switch from “heat” to “A/C” in the same day and back again.
• Your whole family wears Viking purple to church on Sunday.
• You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
• You see people wearing hunting clothes at social events.
• You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
• You think of the major food groups as beer, fish, and venison.
• You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
• There are 7 empty cars running in the parking lot at Mill’s FleetFarm at any given time.
• You design your kid’s Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
• Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
• You refer to the Vikings as “we.”
• You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.
• You can identify a southern or eastern accent.
• You consider Minneapolis exotic.
• You don’t have a coughing fit from one sip of Pig’s Eye Pilsner.
• Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
• You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
• Down South to you means Iowa.
• A brat is something you eat.
• Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new machine shed.
• You go out to fish fry every Friday.
• You know how to polka.
• Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
• You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
• You find 0 degrees “a little chilly.”
• You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Minnesota friends.