- Rule # 1
- Anything we said six or eight months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after seven days.
- Rule # 2
- If you don't want to dress like Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- Rule # 3
- If we say something that can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other way.
- Rule # 4
- It is in neither your best interest or ours to make us take those stupid Cosmo quizzes together.
- Rule # 5
- Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
- Rule # 6
- Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
- Rule # 7
- You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done—not both.
- Rule # 8
- Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials or time-outs.
- Rule # 9
- Christopher Columbus didn't need directions and neither do we.
- Rule # 10
- Women who wear Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
- Rule # 11
- When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off ramp, your saying, "This is our exit." isn't necessary.
- Rule # 12
- Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.