- Charismatics
- Only one; Hands already in the air ( Do I hear an "amen" )
- Roman Catholics
- None. They use candles
- Pentecostals
- Ten. One to change, nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
- Presbyterians
- None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off.
- Episcopalians
- Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they like the old one better.
- Mormons
- Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.
- Methodists
- We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday Service, in which we will explore a number light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths of luminescence.
- Baptists
- At least fifteen. One to change the bulb, and two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and a casserole.
- Lutherans
- Change?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
- Jehovah's Witnesses
- No independent screwing in of light bulbs is allowed. Light bulbs must be obtained and only produced by the Organization. Unauthorized use of unapproved bulbs will result in the total destruction of such bulb.
- Jewish
- Never on Saturday, and only after the light bulb is in the proper position.
- Agnostic
- Screwing in of light bulbs, may or may not happen.
- Atheist
- Light bulbs do not exist.