Home Remedies

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic.  Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat.
2. Clumsy?  Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them.
3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.
4. High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.  Remember to use a timer.
5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep when you hit the snooze button.
6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

AND… Sometimes we just need to remember what The Rules of Life really are:

• You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape.  If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40.  If it moves and shouldn’t, use the duct tape.
• Get the last word in: Apologize