- The first book of the Bible is Guiness, in which Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
- Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
- Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and ball of fire by night.
- The Jews had trouble throughout their history with unsympathetic Genitals.
- Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the apostles.
- Unleavened bread is bread made without any ingredients.
- Moses went to the top of Mt. Cyanide to get the ten commandments.
- The seventh commandment is "thou shalt not admit adultery".
- Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
- David fought with the Finkelsteins, a fierce race of people who lived in biblical times.
- Solomon had 300 wives and 700 Porcupines.
- Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
- Jesus was followed by the 12 Decibels.
- The Epistles were the wives of the Apostles.
- Matthew was one of the Opossums.
- Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
- A Christian should only have one wife. This is called monotony.