The language folks who brought us "Ebonics," have decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. Th e following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:
- HEIDI
- Noun. Greeting.
- HIRE YEW
- Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usage: Heidi, hire yew?"
- BARD
- Verb. Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."
- JAWJUH
- Noun. The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."
- BAMMER
- Noun. The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."
- MUNTS
- Noun. A calendar division. Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."
- THANK
- Verb. Ability to cognitively process. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
- BARE
- Noun. An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast. Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."
- IGNERT
- Adjective. Not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them Bammer boys sure are ignert!"
- RANCH
- Noun. A tool used for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."
- ALL
- Noun. A petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."
- FAR
- Noun. A conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."
- TAR
- Noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."
- TIRE
- Noun. A tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."
- RETARD
- Verb. To stop working. Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."
- FAT
- Noun, verb. 1. a battle or combat. 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."
- RATS
- Noun. Entitled power or privilege. Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."
- FARN
- Adjective. Not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed….mus' be from some farn country."
- DID
- Adjective. Not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."
- EAR
- Noun. A colorless, odorless gas: Oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe….give 'im some ear!"
- BOB WAR
- noun. A sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."
- JEW HERE
- Noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"
- HAZE
- A contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah….haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit 'n 'is laf."
- SEED
- Verb, past tense of "to see".
- VIEW
- Contraction: verb and pronoun. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York, view?"