Glossary of Computer Terms

Defined Minnesota style

Log On
Making da vood stove hotter.
Log Off
Don't add vood.
Monitor
Keep and eye on da vood stove.
Megahertz
When a big log drops on your barefoot in da morning.
Floppy Disk
Vhat you get from piling too much wood.
Ram
Da hydraulic thing dat makes da voodsplitter vork.
Drive
Getting home most of da vinter.
Prompt
Vhat ya vish da mail vas during most of da winter.
Enter
Come on in.
Windows
Vhat ya shut when it gets 10 below.
Screen
Vhat is a must during black fly season.
Chip
Vhat ya munch during vikings game.
Microchip
Vhat's left in da bag when da chips are gone.
Modem
What ya did to da hay fields last Yuly.
Dot Matrix
Eino Matrix's wife.
Laptop
Vhere da grandkids sit.
Keyboard
Vhere ya suppose to put da keys so da misses can find em.
Software
Da plastic picnic utensils.
Mouse
Vhat leaves dem little turds in da cupboard.
Mainframe
Da part of da sauna that holds up da roof.
Port
Vhere da commericial fishin boats dock.
Random Access Memory
Vhen ya can't remember how much ya spent on da new deer rifle vhen da vife asks about it.

Northern Minnesota Style

Bit
What the black flies did
Browser
What they call you when you eye brows grow together
Byte
What the black flies do
Chip
Munchies for TV
Cursor
Someone who swears
Dot matrix
Old Dan Matrix's wife
Download
Getting the firewood off the truck
Enter
City talk for "come on in, eh"
Floppy disk
What you get from trying to carry too much firewood
Hard Drive
Getting home in the winter
Hardware
The real stainless steel cutlery
Home Page
A map you keep in your back pocket just in case you get lost in the field
Internet
Complicated fish net repair method
Lap top
Where the kitty sleeps
Log off
Don't add no more wood
Log on
Make the wood stove hotter
MSDOS
Some new disease they discovered
Mail Server
The guy at the ABC what brings the food
Main frame
What holds the barn up
Mega Byte
What the BIG black flies do
Micro Chip
What's left in the bag after you eat the chips
Modem
What you did to the hay fields
Monitor
Keep an eye on that wood stove
Mouse
What eats the grain in the barn
Netscape
When a fish maneuvers out of reach
Network
When you have to repair your fishing net
Off line
When the clothes pins let go and the laundry falls on the ground
Online
When you get the laundry hung out on the washline
Prompt
What the mail ain't in the winter
Ram
The thing that splits the firewood
Screen Saver
A repair kit for the torn window screen
Screen
What to shut in black fly season
Search Engine
What you do when the car dies
Server
The person at the ABC what brings the food
Software
The dumb plastic knives and forks they give you at McDonalds
Sound Card
One of them technological birthday cards that plays music when you open it
Upgrade
Steep hill
User
The neighbor who keeps borrowing stuff
Web site
The barn or the attic
Web
What a spider makes
Window
What to shut when it's cold outside

Country Style

Logon
Making a wood stove hotter
Logoff
Dont add no more wood
Download
Gettin the farwood off the truk
Upload
Gettin the farwood on the truk
Monitor
Keeping an eye on the wood stove
Mega Hertz
When yer not keerful keeping an eye on the stove
Floppy Disk
Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood
Ram
That thar thing whut splits farwood
Hard Drive
Gittin home in the winter time
Prompt
Whut the mail ain't in the winter time
Windows
Whut to shut when it's cold outside
Screen
Whut to shut when it's black fly season
Byte
Whut dem dang flys do to you
Chip
Small bits of wood
Micro Chip
Smaller bits of wood
Moodem
Whut ya do the the hay fields
Dot Matrix
Old Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top
Whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard
Whar ya hang da dang truk keys
Software
Them dang plastic forks an knifes
Mouse
Whut eats da grain in the barn
Mouse Pad
That's hippie talk fur the mousehole
Main Frame
Holds up da barn ruf
Port
Fancy Flatlander wine
Enter
Northerner talk fer "Come on in, Y'all"
Random Access Memory
When ya cant member whut ya paid fer the rifle
CAD
Them dam travellin' salesmen!
Reboot
When ya got 'em on backwurds agin
CD-ROM
Whut folk call dirty ol' Roman Johnson
Computer
Fancy shiny metal fur pots and stuff
Bill Gates
Gates with mail boxes on 'em
Zip Drive
Short trip if road is gud
Internet
Whut fish do if ketched
Netscape
Whut fish do if don't stay ketched
World Wide Web
Whut spiders dream 'bout
Printer
Whut I am 'cause I never learnt script
Intel
Talkin' inside da house.
Sound Board
Kids 'moanin 'bout nuthin to do
Motherboard
Hardly ever, always got somethin' to do
Browser
Whut you ar when you cant buy
Disk Operating System
Lift with legs, not with back