Fuck in’ America

The F@#* word…

There are only eleven times in history when the “F” word has been considered acceptable for use.  They are as follows:

• “What the @#$% do you mean we are sinking?”Capt. E.J. Smith of RMS Titanic, 1912
• “What the @#$% was that?”Mayor Of Hiroshima, 1945
• “Where did all those @#$%ing Indians come from?”Custer, 1877
• “Any @#$%ing idiot could understand that.”Einstein, 1938
• “It does so @#$%ing look like her!” Picasso, 1926
• “How the @#$% did you work that out?”Pythagoras, 126 BC
• “You want WHAT on the @#$%ing ceiling?” Michelangelo, 1566
• “Where the @#$% am I?”Amelia Earhart, 1937
• “Scattered @#$%ing showers, my ass!”Noah, 4314 BC
• “Aw c’mon. Who the @#$% is going to find out?”Bill Clinton, 1999
• “Geez, I didn’t think they’d get this @%#*^ing mad.”Saddam Hussein, 2003

There are a couple of additional appropriate uses which would bring the total count to thirteen.

Tee Shirt

I purchased a t-shirt from a street vendor in New York City when I was there on business in the early 1990’s.  It seemed so right for the way I was feeling in the “Big Apple.”  The text on the front is:

HOW TO USE THE F WORD

1. Dismay — Oh!  Fuck it.
2. Aggression — Fuck you.
3. Passive — Fuck me.
4. Command — Go fuck yourself.
5. Incompetence — He’s a fuck-up.
6. Laziness — He’s a fuck-off.
7. Ignorance — He’s a fucking jerk.
8. Trouble — I guess I’m fucked now.
9. Confusion — What the fuck.
10. Dispair — Fucked again.
11. Philosophical — Who gives a fuck?
12. Denial — You ain’t fucking me.
13. Rebellion — Fuck the world.
14. Annoyance — Don’t fuck with me.
15. Encouragement — Keep on fucking.
16. Etiquette — Pass the fucking salt.
17. Fraud — I got fucked by my insurance agent.
18. Difficulty — I can’t understant this fucking business.
19. Identification — Who the fuck are you?
20. Ugliness — You’re a dumb looking fuck.
21. Agreement — You’re fucking oh right.
22. Benevolence — Don’t do me any fucking favors.

My sister in law

When my sister-in-law Marlys was a little girl, she told my wife that she knew what the “F” word was.  It’s, “Shit,” she said.