Fifteen things to do

Fifteen things to do at Wal-Mart while your spouse/partner/parent is taking their own sweet time:

1. Get 24 boxes of condoms and randomly place them in people’s carts while they aren’t looking.
2. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
3. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.
4. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, “Code 3 in Housewares” and watch what happens.
5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&Ms on lay away.
6. Move a “CAUTION – WET FLOOR” sign to a carpeted area.
7. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you’ll invite them in if they bring pillows from the bedding department.
8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, “Why can’t you people just leave me alone?”
9. Look right into the security camera, using it as a mirror, and pick your nose.
10. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.
11. Dart around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the theme from “Mission Impossible.”
12. In the auto department, practice your “Madonna” look using different size funnels.
13. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say, “Pick Me! Pick Me!”
14. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, “NO! NO! It’s those voices again!”
15. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a few minutes, then yell loudly, “There’s no toilet paper in here!”