Disease Warning

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease.  The disease, “Gonorrhea Lectim” (Pronounced: “gonna re-elect him”), is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.  Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed in the prior four years.

Cognitive characteristics of individuals infected include:

• anti-social personality disorders
• delusions of grandeur with messianic overtones
• extreme cognitive dissonance
• inability to incorporate new information
• pronounced xenophobia and paranoia
• inability to accept responsibility for own actions
• cowardice masked by misplaced bravado
• uncontrolled facial smirking
• ignorance of geography and history
• tendencies towards evangelical theocracy
• categorical all-or-nothing behavior

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.