A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell."
"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is."
"The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."
A blind man was waiting to cross the road when his guide dog peed on his leg. He reached into his pocket and took out a biscuit for the dog. A passer-by who'd seen everything remarked:
"That's very tolerant of you after what he just did."
"Not really," came the reply. "I'm just finding out where his mouth is, so I can kick him in the nuts."
Advertising slogans for national condom week. (164 in total)
- Cover your stump before you hump
- Before you attack her, wrap your whacker
- Don't be silly, protect your Willie
- When in doubt shroud you spout
- Don't be a loner, cover your boner
- You can't go wrong, if you shield your dong
- If your not going to sack it, go home and whack it
- If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey
- It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
- If you slip between her thighs, condomize
- She won't get sick if you wrap your dick
- If you go into heat, package your meat
- While your undressing Venus, dress up your penis
- When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your mouse
- Especially in December, gift wrap your member
- Never ever deck her, with an unwrapped pecker
- Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool
- The right selection, is to protect your erection
- Wrap it in foil, before you check her oil
- A crank with armor, will never harm her
- If you really love her, wear a cover
- Don't make a mistake, cover your snake
- Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
- If you can't shield your rocket, leave it in your pocket
- No glove, no love
- If you think she'll sigh, cover old one eye
- Even If she's eager, protect her beaver
- No one likes a horses ass, protect yourself at climax
- Shield her from the hunt until you shoot her in the cunt
- Avoid a frown, contain your clown
- Harness the pygmy man before entering the bearded clam
- Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
- Put a condom on your dink before you dart it in her sink
- The weasel you must surround before you please her on the ground
- Cloak the joker before you poke her
- Encase that torch before you paint her porch
- Cape your throbber before you bob her
- After detection sheath your erection
- Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
- Don't surprise her plug your Geyser
- Cover that lumber before you pump her
- Protect her wrinkle before you sprinkle
- She won't bristle if you wrap your whistle
- House your noodle then release your strudel
- Put your dog in the pound and make her yelp like a hound
- Shelter your jerky then nab that turkey
- Cage that snake then shake and bake
- Cover your peter it will be much neater
- Coat that Labrador then allow him to explore
- It's always funky to cage your monkey
- It won't be funny with a coatless dummy
- It won't be fun with an unwrapped thumb
- It's not much money to catch your honey
- Don't be a fool cover your tool
- Hood that match then scratch that thatch
- Stitch that switch then itch her niche
- Wrap that tool to catch the drool
- It ain't no jibe to protect her hive
- Contain that sputum before you use him
- Restrain your log then plow her bog
- Glove your pecker before you check her
- Coat that slimmer before you prime her
- Condomize then womanize
- Cover old pete then grind her meat
- Guard your peter before you meet her
- Check your list before you tryst
- Wrap your bate before you mate
- Can your worm before you squirm
- Cover your pipe you dumb ass wipe
- Contain your lizard then tickle her gizzard
- Bag the mole then do her hole
- Cuff your carrot before you share it
- Jail your number then call the plumber
- Cover your vein then drive her insane
- Wrap that pickle then slip her a tickle
- Protect your dink then fluff her mink
- Restrain your lantern then stick it in her cavern
- Hide ole harry then take her cherry
- Wrap that spout then bore her out
- Conceal your train don't cause her pain
- Guard your bridge then do her ridge
- Shroud your trout then make her shout
- To make her squat like a turkey, cover your Jerky
- Box your blister then poke her in the whiskers
- Wrap your spout to catch the trout
- Plug your funnel then enter the tunnel
- Cover your steamer before you ream her
- Protect that fish then dip it in the dish
- Contain that bass for a swim in her glass
- Be sure to wear it to feed her ferret
- Clothe the boner before you hone her
- Got no protection? Can't use your erection!
- Cork your pump or you don't hump
- No unwrapped stags get between my legs
- Dress that erection to make a deflection
- Contain that shanker before you spank her
- Cap that seeder before you breed her
- Stop the stream before you cream
- Secure that ladder then drain your bladder
- Protect your screw to catch that glue
- Package your meat for a real neat treat
- Holster your gun then shootings more fun
- Canvas that trailer before you nail her
- Garage the tractor then attack her
- Net that grass hopper before you pop her
- Sock that wanger before you bang her
- Pen that rooster, she'll be much looser
- Trim your hardwood then do her real good
- Garnish your oak then give her a poke
- Pouch your associate then go fornicate
- Smother your affiliate before you ejaculate
- Confine your fascinate before it regurgitates
- Catch that goat before it bloats
- Ensnare that barbarian then do her abdomen
- Restrain your hammer then wam bam her
- Prune that stalk then make her squawk
- Wrap that rod then please her bod
- Sheath that knife she ain't your wife
- House that bottle then mash her throttle
- Sash that hash then thrash that gash
- Cover your diddle then fiddle her middle
- Can your knob then throb her swab
- Contain old Doug then clean her rug
- Cover your limb before you swim
- Retain your bailer then impail her
- Rope your dope then make some soap
- Net your salamander then make salad in her
- Cap your flapper then sniff her snapper
- Wrap that Steed then trample her weeds
- Hat that chef then scramble her cleft
- Cover your stone before you bone
- House your hose then curl her toes
- Saddle your penis then straddle her mean ass
- Blanket your twitch then hump that bitch
- Shield your rocks then pond her box
- Cover old sly then do her dry
- Wrap your rail then fill her pail
- Glove your chimney before you come in me
- If your nude tube your dude
- Cloak your hitter then go split her
- Wrap your nipper before you dip her
- Can your spam then bam that mam
- Corral your ram then slice her ham
- Sheath your sliver then jab her liver
- Twist your wick then stick that prick
- Cover old Bart then dart her tart
- Shed old spot then do her slot
- Drawer your pip then split her lips
- Contain that leach then mash her peach
- Bag your elm then take the helm
- Constrain your gem to catch the flem
- Catch that head cheese or I won't spread these
- Constrain that agate you ain't no faggot
- Survey your land then plant her stand
- Before you drive her protect that diver
- Sack that slimy smelt then tan her beaver pelt
- Wrap that stiffer then let him sniff her
- Cover you post then slice her roast
- Blanket old juicy then plug old loosey
- Balloon your baboon the moon tune her poon
- Contain that viper before you pipe her
- Tub that sub then rub her hub
- Wrap Mr. Clean then introduce her spleen
- Dam your giver then fill her quiver