Dear Dad

A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up.  Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed.  It was Addressed “Dad”.

With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you.  I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.  I’ve been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice – even with all her piercings, tattoos, and her tight Motorcycle clothes.  But it’s not only the passion, Dad, she’s pregnant and Joan said that we will be very happy.  Even though you don’t care for her as she is so much older than I, she already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

She wants to have many more children with me and that’s now one of my dreams too.  I’m sure that’s exactly what God meant when He said to ‘be fruitful and multiply’.  Joan also taught me that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone, and we’ll be growing it for us and trading it with her friends for all the crack and ecstasy we might want — just for fun, you know…

In the meantime, we’ll pray every night before bed that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don’t worry Dad, I’m 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself.  Someday I’m sure we’ll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, John

PS: Dad, NONE of the above is true.  I’m over at the neighbor’s house.  I just wanted to remind you that there are much worse things in life than my report card that’s in my desk center drawer!

I love you!  Call when it is safe for me to come home…

It’s always safe to come home here!