- Energizer Bunny arrested – charged with battery.
- A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
- A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
- My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
- Dijon vu – the same mustard as before.
- Practice safe eating – always use condiments.
- I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
- A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
- Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
- I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
- I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave
- me the axe. If electricity comes from electrons… does that mean that morality
- comes from morons? A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
- Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
- Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
- Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
- Banning the bra was a big flop.
- Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
- Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
- A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
- Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
- A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
- Without geometry, life is pointless.
- When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
- Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
- Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.