Dr Wingnut

Category: Hallothanksholinewyear

  • Martha Stewart's December Calendar

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey.  Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine tails.  Flog Gardener.Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.Get new eyeglasses.  Grind lenses myself.Fax…

  • Just a thought

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    Dr Wingnut
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    The story goes that some time ago, a man punished his 3-year-old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper.  Money was tight and he became infuriated when the child tried to decorate a box to put under the Christmas tree.Nevertheless, the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and…

  • Some Assembly Required…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the houseI searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.Instructions were studied and we were inspired,In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to…

  • The beginning of a Tradition

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    Dr Wingnut
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    One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip … but there were problems everywhere.Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.  Then…

  • The Night Before Christmas – Internet Style

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A festive holiday poem‘Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,There were hacker’s a surfing.  Geeks?  Yeah, you bet.The e-mails were stacked by the modem with care,In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there.The newbies were nestled all snug by their screens,While visions of Java danced in their dreams.My wife on the…

  • The Rude Train Conductor

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her son playing with his new electric train in the living room.She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And…

  • Just in Today

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having…