| Then (The Sixties): | Now (The Nineties): |
|---|
| Long Hair. | Longing for hair. |
| The perfect high. | The perfect high yield mutual fund. |
| Keg. | EKG. |
| Acid Rock. | Acid Reflux. |
| Moving to California because it's cool. | Moving to California because it's warm. |
| You're growing pot. | Your growing pot. |
| Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents. | Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your children. |
| Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. | Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor. |
| Seeds and stems. | Roughage. |
| Popping pills, smoking joints. | Popping joints. |
| Paar. | AARP. |
| Killer Weed. | Weed Killer. |
| Hoping for a BMW. | Hoping for a BM. |
| Being called into the principal's office. | Calling the principal's office. |
| The Grateful Dead. | Dr. Kervorkian. |
| Getting out to a new, hip joint. | Getting a new hip joint. |
| Rolling Stones. | Kidney Stones. |
| Our President's struggle with Fidel. | Our President's struggle with fidelity. |