Dr Wingnut

Author: Dr Wingnut

  • Just in Today

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having…

  • Y2K Christmas

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    Dr Wingnut
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    T'was the week after ChristmasAnd all through the house not one pc was working not even a mouse.I turned on the power but nothing was workingI grab the computer and start banging and jerking.I laid out three grand for this big piece of junkOn january 1st the damn thing went "kerplunk"!When I threw it out…

  • Welcome to the Rust Belt

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    Dr Wingnut
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    You know you are from Michigan when:You own only three spices – salt, pepper and ketchup.You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.Home Depot on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.You've taken your…

  • A Wish For The New Millennium…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    May your hair, your teeth, your face-lift, your abs and your stocks not fall; and may your blood pressure, your triglycerides, your cholesterol, your white blood count and your mortgage interest not rise.May you get a clean bill of health from your dentist, your cardiologist, your gastro-endocrinologist, your urologist, your proctologist, your podiatrist, your psychiatrist,…

  • Memo from God

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    Dr Wingnut
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    To: YOUDate: TODAYFrom: THE BOSSSubject: YOURSELFReference: LIFEI am God.  Today I will be handling all of your problems.  Please remember that I do not need your help.If life happens to deliver a situation to you that you cannot handle, do not attempt to resolve it.  Kindly put it in the SFGTD (something for God to…

  • Merry Christmas from the "Sticker Patch"

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Palm trees wave, are you listenin’?In the pool, water’s listenin’,A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight,Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.Gone away is the blizzard,Here to stay is the lizard,A warm sunny day, we like it that way,Livin’ in a Phoenix Wonderland.In the desert we will have a picnic,Cactus, sand and rattlesnakes and sun.Christmas dinner is an…

  • In case any of you thought I was kidding…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Lacy things, the wife is missingDidn’t ask for her permissionI’m wearing her clothes, her silk pantyhoseWalking ’round in women’s underwearIn the stores, there’s a teddy,With little straps, like spaghettiIt hold me so tight,Like handcuffs at night,Walking ’round in women’s underwearIn the office, there’s a guy named MelvinHe pretends that I am Murphy Brown,He’ll say are…