Dr Wingnut

Author: Dr Wingnut

  • Investment tips

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    Are your investments in order? Below are some of the latest rumors from Wall Street. In the wake of the AOL/Time Warner deal, here are the latest mergers we can expect to see:Federal Express and UPS merge to become: FED UP.Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W.R. Grace Company merge to become:…

  • Southern Livin'

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    The top 40 things you would never hear a Southerner say, no matter how much they’ve had to drink, no matter how far from the South they’ve wandered and no matter how much the skunks are threatening..40. Oh I just couldn’t, hell, she’s only sixteen.39. I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.38. Duct tape won’t fix…

  • Guidelines for Millennium Enlightenment

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    Be a Fundamentalist–make sure theFun always comes before the mental. Realize that life is a situationcomedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, andthe reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material.Have a good laughsitive twice a day, and that will ensureregularhilarity.Remember that each of…

  • News Flash

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    Veteran Pillsbury spokesman, The Pillsbury Doughboy, died yesterday of severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly.  He was 71.Doughboy was buried in a slightly greased coffin.  Dozens of celebrities turned out, including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, Captain Crunch, and many more.The graveside was…

  • For Republicans only

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    On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with 5 aliens crashed on a sheep and cattle ranch outside of Roswell, New Mexico—an incident, it is believed by many, which was covered-up by the government.On March 31, 1948—9 months to the day, Al Gore was born.Coincidence?via eMail, Fri, 7 Jan 2000 19:27:26 -0600

  • Famous last words

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    "Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that…

  • Humor

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    Dad: Son, come in here, we need to talk.Son: What's up, Dad?Dad: There's a scratch down the side of the car. Did you do it?Son: I don't believe, if I understand the definition of "scratch the car," that I can say, truthfully, that I scratched the car.Dad: Well, it wasn't there yesterday, and you drove…