Author: Dr Wingnut
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Sometimes it DOES take a rocket scientist…
Scientists at NASA have developed a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity. The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.British engineers heard about the gun and…
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Modern times
A student comes to a young professor's office hours. She glances down the hall, closes his door, kneels pleadingly."I would do anything to pass this exam."She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes."I mean…" she whispers, "…I would do… **anything**!!!"He returns her gaze. "Anything???""Yes… Anything!!!"His voice turns to a…
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Great female comebacks
Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.Man: Is this seat empty?Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.Man: So, wanna go back to my place ?Woman: Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?Man: Your place or mine?Woman: Both. You…
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Resignation
I am hereby officially tendering my resignation as an adult. I have decided I would like to accept the responsibilities of an 8 year-old again.I want to go to McDonald's and think that it's a four star restaurant.I want to sail sticks across a fresh mud puddle and make a sidewalk with rocks.I want to…
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I have a friend
Around the corner I have a friendIn this great city that has no end,Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,And before I know it, a year is goneAnd I never see my old friend’s face,For life is a swift and terrible race,He knows I like him just as well,As in the days when…
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Why did the chicken cross the road?
Pat BuchananTo steal a job from a decent, hardworking AmericanDr. SeussDid the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been told!Ernest HemingwayTo die. In the rain.Jerry FalwellBecause the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the…
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Embarrassing moments
So-you think you've been embarrassed in public? The following are the top four winners of a Most Embarrassing Moments Contest in the "New Woman Magazine"…While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks…