Dr Wingnut

Author: Dr Wingnut

  • Woman's Compact Instruction Booklet…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Never do housework.  No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.Don't imagine you can change a man – unless he's in diapers.What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.So many men – so many reasons not to…

  • Work Excuses

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    From the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the "Washington Post".  A contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work.If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work.  The voices told me to clean all the guns today.When…

  • Work vs. Prison

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    In prison you spend the majority of your time in an 8'x10' cell.At work you spend most of your time in a 6'x8'cubicle.In prison you get three meals a day.At work you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it.In prison you get time off for good behavior.At work…

  • Y2K Vacation Time

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    Dr Wingnut
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    January 1, 2000Re: Vacation PayDear Valued Employee:Our records indicate that you have not used any vacation time over the past 100 year(s).  As I'm sure you are aware, employees are granted 3 weeks of paid leave per year or pay in lieu of time off.  One additional week is granted for every 5 years of…

  • You are a child of the 80's if:

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    Dr Wingnut
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    You know what a "burnout" is.You know what "Sike" means.You know the profound meaning of "Wax on, Wax off".You know that another name for a keyboard is a"Synthesizer".You wanted to be a Goonie.You know who Max Headroom is.You ever wore flourescent, neon if you will, clothing.You could breakdance, or wish you could.You wanted to be…

  • You don't know Schitt?

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    The lineage is now revealed.  Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says "You don't know Jack Schitt," but now you can handle this situation with confidence!Jack is the only son of O. Schitt and Awe Schitt.  O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep N.Schitt, Inc.In…

  • You know it's the 90's when…

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    Dr Wingnut
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    You wake up at 3:00 AM to go to the bathroom and stop to check your e-mail on the way back to bed.You get a tattoo that reads, "This body best viewed with Netscape Navigator 3.0 or higher."You name your children Eudora, Mozilla and Dotcom.You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling,…