Author: Dr Wingnut

By Garrison KeillorI have made fun of Lutherans for years — who wouldn't if you lived in Minnesota?  But I have also sung with Lutherans and that is one of the main joys of life, along with hot baths and fresh sweet corn.  We make fun of Lutherans for their blandness, their excessive calm, their…

It has come to our attention that a few copies of the Appalachian edition of Windows 98 may have accidentally been shipped outside of the Appalachian area.If you have one of the West Virginia editions, you may need some help understanding the commands.  This edition may be recognized by looking at the opening screen.  It…

The following are new Windows messages that are under consideration for the planned Windows 2000:Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue.Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.Press any key except… no, No, NO, NOT THAT ONE!Bad command or file name!  Go stand in the corner.This will end your Windows session.  Do…

After carefully evaluating the government's suit against them, Microsoft decided to release Windows 98 anyway, after adding these 11th-hour tweaks:Included subliminal "Impeach Janet Reno" messages in start-up screen.New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in ".gov," a message first appears reminding you that Microsoft is not a monopoly.Source code no longer…

On Friday the 24th I was watching the NASA channel on cable TV to see how the experiments and Shuttle crew were doing.  The men onboard needed to send instructions to the experiments in the cargo bay and were using a laptop to do it.  As some of you may have heard, there was a…

Never do housework.  No man ever made love to a woman because the house was spotless.Remember you are known by the idiot you accompany.Don't imagine you can change a man – unless he's in diapers.What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You shut the door.So many men – so many reasons not to…

From the Sunday, April 14, 1994 edition of the "Washington Post".  A contest was held in which readers were asked to come up with excuses to miss a day of work.If it is all the same to you, I won't be coming in to work.  The voices told me to clean all the guns today.When…