Author: Dr Wingnut
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Today is November 19th, 1999.
The numerical format for the day before yesterday was 11-17-1999. All of the digits are odd. The next Odd day will be 11-19-1999 (which is today). The next Odd day after that will be 1-1-3111 — which is well over a thousand years away, which we will never see. Days such as 4-13-89 have both…
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Today's Stock Market Report
Submitted by iVillager S. Joan H.Helium was up, feathers were down.Paper was stationary.Fluorescent tubing was dimmed in light trading.Knives were up sharply.Cows steered into a bull market.Pencils lost a few points.Hiking equipment was trailing.Elevators rose, while escalators continued their slow decline.Weights were up in heavy trading.Light switches were off.Mining equipment hit rock bottom.Diapers remained unchanged.Shipping…
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Toddler Property Laws
If I like it, it's mine.If it's in my hand, it's mine.If I can take it from you, it's mine.If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.If I'm doing or building something, all the pieces are mine.If it looks just like…
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Toilet Paper
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full length mirror. This does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror, looking at herself, asking him how she looks.One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the mirror,…
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Top 34 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO
Pedal-powered dialysis machines.Use of antibotics deemed an "unauthorized experimental procedure."Head-wound victim in the waiting room is on the last chapter of "War and Peace."You ask for Viagra. You get a popsicle stick and duct tape.Annual breast exam conducted at hooters.Exam room has a tip jar.You swear you saw salad tongs and a crab fork on…
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TOP BEST QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN INTERVIEWING FOR A JOB YOU DON'T WANT:
What type of training do I need to replace you?How much hard work does it take to get a raise or can I just sleep my way to the top?When you say "must be a team player," does this mean I'll be working with other people?How often do you take inventory of your office supplies?How…
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Top Ten Slogans Currently Being Considered by Viagra:
"Viagra. The quicker dicker upper""One-a-day, like iron""Get a piece of the rock""You've come a long way, baby""Viagra, it plumps when you take 'em""Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman"Tastes great, more filling""Viagra, built ram tough""Here's the beef!"Just do her.Some honorable mentions:"We work harder, so you don't have to""Ten inches long… and growing.""Viagra,…