Author: Dr Wingnut

In the beginning was the Plan.And then came the Assumptions.And the Assumptions were without form.And the Plan was without substance.And darkness was upon the face of the Workers.And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, "This is a crock of shit, and it stinks."And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail…

ArteryThe study of paintings.BacteriaBack door to cafeteria.BariumWhat doctors do when patients die. BenignWhat you be after you be eight.Cesarean SectionA neighborhood in Rome.CATscanSearching for kitty.CauterizeMade eye contact with her. ColicA sheep dog.ComaA punctuation mark. D & CWhere Washington is.DilateTo live long.EnemaNot a friend.FesterQuicker than someone else.FibulaA small lie. GenitalNon-Jewish person.G.I. SeriesWorld Series of military baseball.HangnailWhat…

Before going to Europe on business, a man drove his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and went in to ask for an immediate loan of $5,000.The loan officer, taken aback, requested collateral and so the man said, "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce."  The loan officer promptly had the…

486The average IQ needed to understand a PC.State-of-the-artAny computer you can't afford.ObsoleteAny computer you own.MicrosecondThe time it takes for your state-of-the-art computer to become obsolete.G3Apple's new Macs that make you say "Gee, three times faster than the computer I bought for the same price a Microsecond ago."Syntax ErrorWalking into a computer store and saying "Hi,…

Because you deserve better than the backseat of some car.As seen on "COPS"If We'd Known You Were Staying All Night, We'd Have Changed the SheetsWe left off the 9, but you know it's there.Sure, you could stay someplace nicer, but then you wouldn't have money left over for a hooker.We'll leave the Lysol for ya!We…

The carpenter I hired to help me restore an old farmhouse had just finished a rough first day on the job.  A flat tire made him lose an hour of work, his electric saw quit, and now his ancient pickup truck refused to start.While I drove him home, he sat in stoney silence.  On arriving,…