Dr Wingnut

Author: Dr Wingnut

  • The Beer Diet

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    Dr Wingnut
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    FACT: A lite beer has between 70 and 100 calories, is almost all water, and the part that isn't water is almost pure carbohydrates.FACT: The average diet recommends a daily caloric intake of 1,200 calories for women, 1,500 for men, if you want to lose the medically safe two to three pounds a week. On…

  • The beginning of a Tradition

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    Dr Wingnut
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    One particular Christmas season a long time ago, Santa was getting ready for his annual trip … but there were problems everywhere.Four of his elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones so Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.  Then…

  • The Best Chain Letter Yet!

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    Dr Wingnut
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    Hello, my name is Alfonso Merkin. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, lack of sexual activity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not sending out 50 billion f**king forwards sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them,…

  • The bird is the word

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    Dr Wingnut
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    This was in today's Oregonian:Jim Morris thought there was something familiar about the three gold and white chickens he saw in the parking lot of the Motel 6 in Troutdale while on a trip to watch some motocross races.They even came when he whistled.It wasn't until he got home to Coos Bay that the Federal…

  • THE CANDYWRAPPER

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    Dr Wingnut
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    It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar.  I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "Hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?"Well, she immediately went down…

  • The Cross-Torture or teaching Aid?

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    Dr Wingnut
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    A ten year old boy was failing math.  His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail.  Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a…

  • THE DARWIN AWARDS

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    Dr Wingnut
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    THE DARWIN AWARDS are bestowed every year upon (the remains of) that individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice, has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool.Runners-up:[AP, Mammoth Lakes] A San Anselmo man died yesterday when he hit a lift tower at the Mammoth Mountain ski area while riding down the slope…