Author: Dr Wingnut
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Tech Support – Word Perfect
This is a true story from the WordPerfect helpline. Needless to say the helpdesk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for" Termination without Cause".Actual dialog of a former Wordperfect Customer Support employee:"Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?""Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?""Well, I was…
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TECHNICAL SUPPORT HOTLINE
Boss: "You submitted the lowest bid to run our new technical support hotline, Mister Dogbert. The other bidders would love to know how you plan to handle twelve thousand calls a day by yourself."Dogbert: "Tell them to call me."Scott AdamsNETWORK CONFUSIONMy husband works for a company which provides on-line services. A caller to the tech…
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Technical support tips
In the interests of providing a better service, your friendly Tech Support department has the following tips:When your computer crashes or something doesn't work, don't write anything down. We can play back the error messages from here.When a tech says he's coming right over, go for coffee. It's nothing to us to remember 481 screen…
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Glossary of Computer Terms
Defined Minnesota styleLog OnMaking da vood stove hotter.Log OffDon't add vood. MonitorKeep and eye on da vood stove. MegahertzWhen a big log drops on your barefoot in da morning.Floppy DiskVhat you get from piling too much wood. RamDa hydraulic thing dat makes da voodsplitter vork. DriveGetting home most of da vinter. PromptVhat ya vish da…
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Ten blondes and a brunette
Eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no…
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Ten Ways To Tell If A Redneck Has Been Working On A Computer
The monitor is up on blocks.Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.The six front keys have rotted out.The extra RAM slots have Ford truck parts stored in them.The numeric keypad only goes up to six.The password is "Bubba."There's a gun rack mounted on the CPU.There's a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.The keyboard is painted…
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Testing Her Hearing
A man goes to the doctor and complains that his wife can't hear him."How bad is it?" the doctor asks."I have no idea," says the husband."Well, please test her. Stand 20 feet away from her and say something. If she doesn't hear you, get closer and say the same thing. Keep moving closer and repeating…