Author: Dr Wingnut

You try to enter your password on the microwave.You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.You e-mail your buddy who works at the desk next to you.You chat several times a day with a stranger from South America, but you haven't…

A guy walks into the supermarket and buys the following:1 bar of soap1 toothbrush1 tube toothpaste1 loaf of bread1 pint of milk1 single serving cereal1 single serving frozen dinnerThe girl at the checkout looks at him and says, "Single are you?"He replies sarcastically, "How did you ever guess?"She replies, "Because you're fucking ugly."

Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk-in freezer for half an hour.  Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up.Go to the nearest hockey rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles.  Pretend you are looking…

These are actual excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by Nisheeth Parekh, University Texas Medical Branch @ Galveston…Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football.  He was hurt in the growing part.Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side.Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on…

Have you ever watched kidsOn a merry-go-round?Or listened to the rainSlapping on the ground?Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?You better slow down.Don't dance so fast.Time is short.The music won't last.Do you run through each day on the fly?When you ask "How are you?"Do you hear the reply?When…

Four men were bragging about how smart their dogs are.  The first man was an Engineer, the second man was an Accountant, the third man was a Chemist, the fourth was a Government Worker.To show off, the Engineer called to his dog.  "T-square, do your stuff."T-square trotted over to a desk, took out some paper…

The following letters are taken from an actual incident between a London hotel and one of its guests.  The Hotel ended up submitting the letters to the London Sunday Times.Dear Maid,Please do not leave any more of those little bars of soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial.  Please remove…