Author: Dr Wingnut

Please read the ENTIRE message.THERANGEOF8INCHESLONG.THE FUNCTIONING OF WHICH ISENJOYEDBYMEMBERSOFBOTHSEXES.ISUSUALLY FOUND HUNG, DANGLINGREADY LOOSELYFORINSTANTACTION.IT BOASTS OF A CLUMP OFLITTLEHAIRYTHINGSATONEEND ANDSMALLHOLE AT THE OTHER. IN USE, ITISINSERTED,ALMOSTALWAYSWILLINGLY, SOMETIMES SLOWLY,SOMETIMESQUICKLY,INTOAWARM,FLESHY, MOIST OPENING WHEREITISTHRUSTINANDDRAWN OUTAGAINAND AGAIN MANY TIMES INSUCCESSION,OFTENQUICKLYANDACCOMPANIED BY SQUIRMINGBODILY MOVEMENTS.ANYONEFOUNDLISTENING IN WILL MOST SURELY RECOGNIZETHERHYTHMIC,PULSINGSOUND, RESULTING FROM THEWELLLUBRICATEDMOVEMENTS.WHEN FINALLY WITHDRAWN, IT LEAVESBEHINDAJUICY,FROTHY,WHITESTICKYSUBSTANCE, SOME OF WHICH WILLNEEDCLEANINGFROMTHEOUTERSURFACES OF…

Herewith, a handy guide for decoding the real meaning behind the phrases commonly used in personal adsTranslations for ads by men:40-ish: 52 and looking for 25-yr-oldAthletic: Sits on the couch and watches ESPNAverage-looking: Unusual hair growth on ears, nose & backEducated: Will always treat you like an idiotFree Spirit: Sleeps with your sisterFriendship first: As…

John Jones, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Smith, one of his programmers.Bob Smith, my assistant programmer, can always be foundhard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, withoutwasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob neverthinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he alwaysfinishes…

Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot.We have enough youth, how about a fountain of Smart?He who laughs last thinks slowest.Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you.Auntie Em…Hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog.…

Lost: small apricot poodle.  Reward.  Neutered.  Like one of the family.For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar.Four-poster bed, 101 years old.  Perfect for antique lover.Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory.Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick…

I worked with an individual who plugged his power strip back into itself and for the life of him could not understand why his computer would not turn on.1st Person: "Do you know anything about this fax-machine?"2nd Person: "A little. What's wrong?"1st Person: "Well, I sent a fax, and the recipient called back to say…

Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teethYou can get a better grip on a sheep's earSheep don't shy away from boots and leatherCotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social diseaseNuttin' beats muttonSheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towelSheep won't drink your liquor, smoke…