Author: Dr Wingnut

Our lager,Which art in barrels,Hallowed be thy drink.Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk),At home as it is in the tavern.Give us this day our foamy head,And forgive us our spillages,As we forgive those who spill against us.And lead us not to incarceration,But deliver us from hangovers.For thine is the beer, The bitter, The…

Coach Holmgren, clearly upset about the Packer's play, decides to find out from Dennis Green what his secret is. So, Holmgren travels down to a Vikings practice and asks Green, "Coach, how is it that your team is so good? What's your secret?"Green responds by calling Cunningham over. "Randall, who's your father's brother's nephew?"He answers,…

ANN ARBORThe Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 8:50 AM, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order.  When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said…

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth.Turning to the man next to him, he said, "I forgot my teeth."The man said, "No problem."With that, he reached into his…

A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.  "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.  In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative.  However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."A voice from the back of the room piped…

These are actual instructions on actual labels!ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESSERTDo not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDINGProduct will be hot after heatingON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRONDo not Iron clothes on bodyON BOOT'S CHILDREN'S COUGH MEDICINEDo not drive car or operate machineryON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID)Warning:…

A computer was something on TVFrom a science-fiction show of noteA window was something you hated to cleanAnd ram was the cousin of a goatMeg was the name of my girlfriendAnd gig was a job for the nightsNow they all mean different thingsAnd that really mega bytes.An application was for employmentA program was a TV…