Author: Dr Wingnut

The last 2 years have seen unprecedented growth in bear population in Northern California and the Rocky Mountain areas.  As spring approaches, tourists are warned to wear small bells on their clothing while hiking in bear country.  The bells warn away most bears.  Tourists are also cautioned to watch the ground for bear droppings so…

SYMPTOM:FAULT:ACTION:Beer unusually pale and tasteless.Glass empty.Get someone to buy you another beer.Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights. You have fallen over backward.Have yourself lashed to bar. Mouth contains cigarette butts.You have fallen forward.See above.Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.Retire to restroom, practice in…

We know stuff about tanks.A 5-day trip requires only one suitcase.We can open all our own jars.We can go to the bathroom without a support group.We don't have to learn to spell a new last name.We can leave a motel bed unmade.We can kill our own food.We get extra credit for the slightest act of…

Sometimes it DOES take a Rocket ScientistScientists at NASA have a gun built specifically to launch dead chickens at the windshields of airliners, military jets and the space shuttle, all traveling at maximum velocity.  The idea is to simulate the frequent incidents of collisions with airborne fowl to test the strength of the windshields.British engineers…

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six days.Eventually, Michael the archangel found him, resting on the seventh day.  He inquired of God, "Where have you been?"God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look Michael, look what I've made."Archangel Michael looked puzzled…

A father and his son go into the grocery store, when they happen upon the condom isle.The son asks his father why there are so many different boxes of condoms.The father replies: "Well, you see the 3 pack? That's for when you're in high school. You have 2 for Friday night and 1 for Saturday…

12% on Monday23% on Tuesday40% on Wednesday20% on Thursday5% on FridayAnd remember… When you're having a really bad day and it seems like people are trying to piss you off, it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend your finger and flip them off.Now get back to work!!