Author: Dr Wingnut
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Dilbert quotes
A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert Quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life Dilbert-type managers. Here are some of the submissions:As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in…
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Depends on your Point of view
An English professor wrote the words, "Woman without her man is nothing" on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly.The men wrote: "Woman, without her man, is nothing."The women wrote: "Woman! Without her, man is nothing."Or..Today's sensitive male has learned to share in open frank discussions about relationships like, "Where the hell…
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Death of the Energizer Bunny
Today, the world was stunned by the news of the death of the Energizer Bunny. He was six years old. Authorities believe that the death occurred at approximately 8:42 this evening.Best known as the irritating pink bunny that kept going, and going and going, "Pinkie", as he was known to his friends and family, was…
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Deep thoughts
Don't sweat the petty things and Don't pet the sweaty things.One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?Santa is very jolly because he knows where all the bad girls live.I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman where the Self Helpsection was, she said if…
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Deep Thoughts 2
Before criticizing people, walk a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticize them, you will be a mile away and have their shoes.If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava, let go, because, man, they're gone.If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We…
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Darwin Awards 1998
The Darwin Awards are annually bestowed upon (the remains of) individuals who have given their all in an effort to improve our gene pool. The Darwin Awards applaud those who have made the ultimate sacrifice of killing themselves by the most extraordinarily stupid means.The Awards commemorate those who find innovatively moronic ways of killing themselves,…