Author: Dr Wingnut

The following are a sampling of REAL answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school (read Saturday Traffic School for moving violation offenders.)Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road?A: What for? He can't see my license plate.Q: Who has the right of way when four…

Drug dealersSoftware developersRefer to their clients as "users".Refer to their clients as "users"."The first one's free!""Download a free trial version…"Have important South-East Asian connections (to help move the stuff). Have important South-East Asian connections (to help debug the code).Strange jargon: Strange jargon: "Stick" "SCSI""Rock" "RTFM""Wrap" "Packet" "E" "C" "Stash" "Cache" "Drive by" "CTRL ALT DEL"…

A dog owner in Dallas had a pit bull that hated to walk. He kept sitting down and bracing his feet so that his owner would have to drag him by his leash. The owner finally gave up when he realized that he was creating a… bottomless pit!I have a dog that talks in its…

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:Both take up too much space on the bed.Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.Both mark their territory.Neither tells you what's bothering them.The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.Both have an inordinate fascination with crotches.Neither does any dishes.Both fart shamelessly.Neither of them notice when you get your hair…

Open a new document in WordType "Unable to follow directions" (without the quotes)Highlight the entire sentence you just typedClick Tools; Thesaurus (or hit shift-F7 to open the thesaurus)(FYI — Thesaurus is found on Word 97 under tools, language.)

A lady went to her priest one day and told him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'""That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.  Then he thought…

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.""My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.""The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."A blind…