Author: Dr Wingnut

A dog owner in Dallas had a pit bull that hated to walk. He kept sitting down and bracing his feet so that his owner would have to drag him by his leash. The owner finally gave up when he realized that he was creating a… bottomless pit!I have a dog that talks in its…

HOW DOGS AND MEN ARE THE SAME:Both take up too much space on the bed.Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.Both mark their territory.Neither tells you what's bothering them.The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.Both have an inordinate fascination with crotches.Neither does any dishes.Both fart shamelessly.Neither of them notice when you get your hair…

Open a new document in WordType "Unable to follow directions" (without the quotes)Highlight the entire sentence you just typedClick Tools; Thesaurus (or hit shift-F7 to open the thesaurus)(FYI — Thesaurus is found on Word 97 under tools, language.)

A lady went to her priest one day and told him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.""What do they say?" the priest inquired."They say 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?'""That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed.  Then he thought…

A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got this big problem doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this earsplitting yell.""My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is.""The problem," she complained, "is that it wakes me up."A blind…

Say this each day on your way to work…God, Grant me the serenityTo accept the things I cannot change;The courage to change the thingsI cannot accept;And the wisdom to hide the bodies of those peopleI had to kill today because they pissed me off.And also, Help me to be careful of the toesI step on…

A man and his wife are visiting Mexico and go to the local restaurant for dinner.  They can't seen to decide on what to have so they spend a lot of time looking over the menu.  While they are looking, they hear a trumpet fanfare, and out of the kitchen comes the cook with a…