Author: Dr Wingnut

This guy wakes up one morning to find a gorilla in his tree. He Looks in the phone book for a gorilla removal service until he finds one."Is it a boy or girl Gorilla?" the service guy asks."Boy," is the man's response."Oh yeah, I can do it. I'll be right there", says the service guy.An…

I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no pain.I AM in shape. Round's a shape.I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.Did you ever notice when you…

The language folks who brought us "Ebonics," have decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer pipeline through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickphonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone. Th e following are excerpts from the Hickphonics/English dictionary:HEIDINoun.  Greeting.HIRE…

God would like to thank you for your belief and patronage. In order to better serve your needs, He asks that you take a few moments to answer the following questions.Please keep in mind that your responses will be kept completely confidential, and that you need not disclose your name or address unless you prefer…

Let's meet at my house Sunday before the game.GodC'mon over and bring the kids.GodWhat part of "Thou Shalt Not…" didn't you understand?GodWe need to talk.GodKeep using my name in vain, I'll make rush hour longer.GodLoved the wedding, invite me to the marriage.GodThat "Love Thy Neighbor" thing… I meant it.GodI love you and you and you…

A Jewish father was troubled by the way his son turned out, and went to see his Rabbi about it."I brought him up in the faith, gave him a very expensive bar mitzvah, cost me a fortune to educate him. Then he tells me last week he has decided to be a Christian! Rabbi, where…

Seventy-year-old George went for his annual physical.  All of his tests came back with great results.  Dr. Smith said, “George, everything looks great physically, but how are you doing mentally and emotionally?  Are you at peace with yourself; do you have a good relationship with God?”George replied, "Absolutely.  God and me are tight.  We are…