Author: Dr Wingnut
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Ideas for your next cover letter…
These are taken from real resumes and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience.I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheet progroms.Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year.Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave.Wholly responsible for two (2)…
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How to keep a healthy level of insanity in the workplace
Page yourself over the intercom. (Don’t disguise your voice.)Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender.)Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s…
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How to write a specification
The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that?Because the first rail lines were…
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HRH Elizabeth II
The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a…
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Humor Debunking…
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When…
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How to impress the genders
How to impress a women:Compliment herCuddle herKiss herCaress herLove herStroke herTease herComfort herProtect herHug herHold herSpend money on herDine herBuy things for herListen to herCare for herStand by herSupport herGo to the ends of the earth for herHow to impress a man:Show up nakedBring Beer
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HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.Insist that your e mail address be “Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.”In the memo field of all your checks, write, “for sexual favors”Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with…