Author: Dr Wingnut
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HRH Elizabeth II
The Queen of England was visiting one of Canada's top hospitals, and during her tour of the floors she passed a room where a male patient was masturbating."Oh my God," said the Queen, "that's disgraceful, what is the meaning of this?"The Doctor leading the tour explains; "I am sorry your highness, this man has a…
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Humor Debunking…
I know this guy whose neighbor, a young man, was home recovering from having been served a rat in his bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. So anyway, one day he went to sleep and when he awoke he was in his bathtub and it was full of ice and he was sore all over. When…
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How to impress the genders
How to impress a women:Compliment herCuddle herKiss herCaress herLove herStroke herTease herComfort herProtect herHug herHold herSpend money on herDine herBuy things for herListen to herCare for herStand by herSupport herGo to the ends of the earth for herHow to impress a man:Show up nakedBring Beer
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HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAnE
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car and point a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.Insist that your e mail address be “Elvis-the-King@companyname.com.”In the memo field of all your checks, write, “for sexual favors”Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with…
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How to Give a Pill to a Cat
Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and…
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If a dog were your teacher
You would learn stuff like…When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.When it's in your best interest—practice obedience.Let others know when they've invaded your territory.Take naps and stretch before…
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Martha Stewart's December Calendar
Blanch carcass from Thanksgiving turkey. Spray paint gold, turn upside down and use as a sleigh to hold Christmas cards.Have Mormon Tabernacle Choir record outgoing Christmas message for answering machine.Using candlewick and hand gilded miniature pine cones, fashion cat-o-nine tails. Flog Gardener.Repaint Sistine Chapel ceiling in ecru, with mocha trim.Get new eyeglasses. Grind lenses myself.Fax…