Author: Dr Wingnut

My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside – I just finished cleaning!"My mother taught me RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you…

I am a very sick little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask…

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.Both Presidents…

Three lunatics approach their Asylum doctor with a request for a weekend pass to the local city."That's impossible says the doctor. You're all nuts. You'll get lost and never come back."But, the lunatics wouldn't relent until finally, exasperated, the doctor says, "OK! If you can answer a simple question I'll sign the pass."He turns to…

It seems a man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco, and started working east from there. He went to a very large church and began taking photographs, etc. He spots a golden telephone on a wall and is intrigued with a…

Oil Change instructions for Women:Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.Drink a cup of coffee.15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.Money spent:$20.00 for oil change$ 1.00 for coffee$21.00 TotalOil Change instructions for Men:Go to auto parts store and write a…

Dear God,Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?NormaDear God,Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't you just keep the ones you have now?JaneDear God,Who draws the lines around the countries?NanDear God,I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church.…